When you lose a pet, the world feels disproportionately quiet. Friends mean well, but most have never lost the same kind of bond. Search engines push you toward American grief content with American helplines and American advice that doesn't quite fit.
This is our attempt to gather the resources we trust — the ones we send to families through our partner clinics, and the ones we'd send to a friend — in one place. It's NZ-specific where we can be, and honest about the gaps where we can't.
If you are reading this in the first hours after a loss: you do not need to read all of it now. Bookmark the page. Come back when you can.
If you are in crisis right now
Pet grief can sit on top of other things — depression, anxiety, isolation, an old loss reopening. If you are not safe, please don't wait.
- Need to Talk? — Free call or text 1737, any time. Trained counsellors. They will not dismiss pet grief.
- Lifeline NZ — 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE), or text HELP (4357).
- Samaritans NZ — 0800 726 666.
- Healthline — 0800 611 116 for general health support.
- 111 in an emergency.
Pet loss is real loss. None of these services will tell you otherwise.
Talking to a professional
If your grief feels stuck, a counsellor or psychologist trained in bereavement can help. You don't have to wait until things are catastrophic.
- Talk to your GP about a referral. Funded mental-health sessions are available through some PHOs (Primary Health Organisations) and Te Whatu Ora services — eligibility varies, but it's worth asking.
- The New Zealand Association of Counsellors (NZAC) has a directory at nzac.org.nz — you can filter by region and specialisation.
- The NZ Psychologists Board publishes a register of registered psychologists.
- Ask the counsellor directly whether they have experience with pet loss. Most do. Some don't, and a careful question saves you a wasted session.
Communities that get it
Online groups have become one of the steadiest sources of support, particularly for people grieving in households where others "didn't really get it about the dog."
- Search Facebook for "NZ pet loss" and "pet bereavement New Zealand" — there are several active, well-moderated peer-support groups.
- Reddit's r/Petloss is global but kind, and active in NZ time zones thanks to its size.
- Some regional SPCAs run informal grief catch-ups; ring your local branch to ask.
We don't list every group by name because moderators change and what's healthy this year may not be next year. Look for groups that are moderated, that don't allow self-promotion, and that don't push specific products.
Books that help
No two grief books are right for every reader. These are ones we hear about most often from NZ families:
- The Loss of a Pet — Wallace Sife. The classic. Practical and gentle.
- Goodbye, Friend — Gary Kowalski. Short, spiritual without being preachy.
- When Your Pet Dies — Alan Wolfelt. Particularly good if you also work in a caring profession.
- Saying Goodbye to the Pet You Love — Lorri Greene & Jacquelyn Landis. Strong on the post-loss months.
For children:
- The Tenth Good Thing About Barney — Judith Viorst.
- I'll Always Love You — Hans Wilhelm.
- Saying Goodbye to Lulu — Corinne Demas.
Whitcoulls, Time Out Books in Auckland, and most independent NZ booksellers can order any of these in.
Apps and tools
A few that pet owners tell us they've found useful:
- Quality of life trackers. Several free trackers exist (Lap of Love and JOURNEYS' QoL scale are widely used). They turn an emotional question — "is it time?" — into a structured conversation, which can be a relief.
- Memorial / journal apps. Day One and Notes work fine. The point isn't the app; it's the writing.
- Calm and Headspace. Imperfect, but the bedtime stories and short grief meditations are gentle enough for the first hard nights.
Rituals and ways to mark the loss
Grief that has somewhere to go is often easier to carry. Some ideas, NZ-flavoured:
- Plant a native tree in your pet's name. Trees That Count lets you gift a native tree with a dedication; you can plant in your own garden too. A pohutukawa, kowhai, rimu or rata in their name is a quiet, growing memorial.
- Make a paw print or fur keepsake. Most NZ vet clinics will do this on the day if you ask. PetAftercare partner clinics include this as standard.
- Write a letter to your pet. Read it aloud. Burn it, bury it, or keep it in a tin.
- Mark Matariki. The Maori new year, when we remember those who have passed, can include the pets we have loved. Light a candle, name them, and let them rise into the stars with the others.
- Hold a small ceremony. A handful of people. Something they loved (their lead, a tennis ball, a favourite blanket). Words that don't have to be perfect.
What to say (and not say) to someone grieving a pet
If you're reading this for someone else, a small kindness map:
- Helpful: "I'm so sorry. [Pet's name] was such a good [dog/cat/companion]." Tell a specific memory if you have one.
- Helpful: "I'm thinking of you. No need to reply." A meal dropped at the door.
- Less helpful: "At least they had a long life." "You'll get another one." "It's just a [animal]." None of these are kind, even when they are well-meant.
Where PetAftercare fits in
We support families through their vet clinic. If your pet has been farewelled at one of our partner clinics, you will already have access to the online memorial portal, the "Helping Children Cope" booklet, and our keepsake range. If your clinic isn't yet a partner, ask them about us — we'd love to be part of the way they care for their families.
If you are reading this from somewhere else in the journey, please use what's useful here and leave the rest. There is no right way to grieve a pet. There is only your way, and we hope this page helps a little.
This is a living page. If you know an NZ resource we should add, let us know.