If you've found this post at 2am, sitting next to a dog who isn't well, you are not alone. Thousands of New Zealand families a year are sitting up at the same hour with the same question.
This is Part 1 of a two-part guide. Here we cover the regrets that come from the time before the euthanasia — the decisions made in the days and hours leading up to the goodbye. Part 2 covers the decisions made in the moments around the procedure itself.
Almost every regret on this list is small. Almost every one is preventable, with a single conversation or decision in advance.
1. "I waited too long."
The most common regret of all.
By the time we're considering euthanasia, our pets are usually telling us in a hundred small ways that life is hard for them. We see them, but we hope. We hope for a good week. We hope for one more morning at the beach.
We almost always wait longer than the pet wanted us to.
How to prevent it:
- Use a Quality of Life scale. Your vet can give you one (the JOURNEYS scale and Lap of Love scale are widely used). Score honestly, weekly, on the same day. Numbers help when love makes the picture blurry.
- Ask your vet directly: "If this were your pet, where do you think we are?" They will answer.
- Consider the rule of "more bad days than good." Once it crosses, the conversation has already started.
2. "I rushed it."
The second most common regret. The mirror of the first.
Sometimes a sudden bad day, or a frightening event, or a wave of exhaustion, leads us to book euthanasia in a moment when a less dramatic week was still possible.
How to prevent it:
- Unless your pet is in real, escalating pain that cannot be relieved, allow at least 24 hours between deciding and acting.
- Talk to two people who know your pet. Often the second voice — partner, a sibling, the vet — confirms or pushes back.
- A good vet will tell you it's okay to wait a few more days. They will also tell you, kindly, when waiting is unkind.
3. "I didn't know I could do it at home."
A growing number of NZ vets offer home euthanasia. Many families don't realise it is an option until afterward, and wish they had asked.
How to prevent it:
- Ring your vet and ask. Even if they don't offer it themselves, they may be able to refer you.
- Home is not "better" — many pets are most comforted in the consult room they know. But for some pets and some families, home is exactly right.
- Cost is usually higher and timing less flexible (home calls have to be scheduled). Decide based on what you and your pet need, not on guilt about the cost difference.
4. "I didn't make a real plan for the day."
The day was a blur. We weren't sure who was coming. We didn't know whether to feed her breakfast. We forgot the blanket she loved.
How to prevent it:
A short list, the night before:
- Who is coming? (Children, partner, friend, the dog's housemate.)
- Where? (Clinic, home, a particular consult room.)
- What time? (A quieter slot — first morning or last evening — is often kinder.)
- What does she love? (A blanket, a toy, a treat, a song.)
- What will she eat that morning? (Whatever she wants. The diet is no longer the point.)
- What aftercare have we chosen? (Cremation tier, keepsakes — see our cremation guide.)
- Who will drive home? (Not the person who held her.)
5. "I didn't have one last good day."
Even small "last good day" rituals — a beach walk, a sunny patch on the lawn, a piece of cheese, a morning in the bed — are enormously comforting in retrospect.
How to prevent it:
- Plan a "last good day" the day before, if you can.
- Keep it within their capacity. A grand outing they cannot enjoy is not the goal. A long lie-in, a slow stroll, time on the deck.
- Take photos and short videos. You will want them. You may not look at them for years, but you will want to know they exist.
6. "I didn't tell the kids."
Some families decide to spare children the day, then discover the children find out anyway and feel excluded — or worse, betrayed.
How to prevent it:
- Tell children, in age-appropriate language, that the pet is going to die today. (See our helping children grieve post.)
- Let them choose, where age allows, whether to be present, to say goodbye at home, or to write a letter.
- "We put him to sleep" is the wrong phrase. "We are going to help her die peacefully" is the right one.
7. "I didn't ask what would happen."
Many families enter the consult room without a clear picture of what's about to happen. The unfamiliarity adds to the fear in the room.
How to prevent it:
Ask your vet, before the day:
- Will there be a sedation injection first? (Almost always yes. It puts your pet into a deep, relaxed sleep before the final injection.)
- How will we know it's done? (The vet will tell you, gently, with a stethoscope.)
- What happens to her body afterwards? (Wrapped in your blanket, treated with care, taken via the cremation partner — see Step 3 of our cremation guide.)
- How long will the appointment take? (Usually 30 to 45 minutes. There is no rush.)
A vet who answers these questions clearly is a vet you can trust on the day.
8. "I didn't take a paw print."
One of the most-mentioned small regrets, especially in the months that follow.
How to prevent it:
- Ask the clinic in advance. Most NZ clinics will do a paw print on the day at no cost or a small charge.
- PetAftercare partner clinics include paw prints as standard, and offer a framed paw-print-and-photo keepsake afterward.
- A clipping of fur is similarly small, similarly meaningful, and similarly easy to forget in the moment.
9. "I didn't choose aftercare in advance."
Choosing cremation tiers, keepsakes and return options in the moments after the goodbye — when you are at your least clear — leads to choices many families later wish they could redo.
How to prevent it:
- Have the cremation conversation before the appointment, not after. Either by phone the day before, or with the vet team in the consult room before the procedure begins.
- If your vet is a PetAftercare partner clinic, you'll be choosing between three named options — Essential Care, Heritage Return, Signature Private — which makes the conversation simpler. (See our cremation tiers post.)
- It is okay to ask for the price list and look at it at home, the night before.
10. "I didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling."
The decision is heavy. Many people carry it silently for the days leading up, and end up at the appointment with too much weight to carry alone.
How to prevent it:
- Tell at least one person what's coming. A partner, a sibling, a friend.
- Tell your vet how you're feeling — they have heard it before and they will be kind.
- If you need to talk to someone outside your circle, 1737 (Need to Talk?) is free, anytime, in NZ, and the counsellors will not dismiss pet grief.
The shape of regret-prevention here is small and practical. None of it makes the loss easier. All of it makes the day clearer, kinder, and less likely to be re-played in painful ways months later.
When you're ready, Part 2 covers the regrets that come from decisions made on the day itself — about the procedure, the room, the goodbye, and the moments just after.
We are very sorry you are reading this. Please be gentle with yourself.
PetAftercare partners with NZ vet clinics to walk families through this carefully — from the booking call to the cremation, keepsakes and grief support afterwards. Ask your vet whether they're a partner.